showing off my inner bride

sometimes, i think i have a plan that will outsmart others. more often than not, i am only pulling the wool over my own eyes. for example, last weekend i decided to go to a halloween party. it was a complete and total last minute decision, so i came up with an easy costume idea that would still play into 1.) my love of cheese (not the dairy product...although, i do love that kind as well) and 2.) make me laugh at myself. the costume i chose was perfect. i decided to be a bachelorette. like the one that you see in a bar, generally surrounded by a gaggle of hysterical women, doing shots until her veil is no longer that perfect shade of wedding day white, her once meticulous makeup smudged and her eyes are rolling back into her head. well, i didn't exactly go THAT far with it! i did, however, attend the party garbed in what i think fits into the stereotypical bride-to-be night-out scene. veil. check. feather boa. check. penis necklace. check. something blue (shoes!). check. sparkly makeup. check. flashing button that said 'a buck a kiss'. check. big gaudy fake diamond ring. check. all-in-all a fun costume.

now here's where i thought i was smart.... i was hoping to keep the man-folk at the party at bay. that statement alone makes me sound like i have a huge ego... i don't. it's just that more often than not, i get more attention than i bargain for from the male species and i really just wanted to have fun and not have that whole scene unfold at this particular party. so, i thought by being a bachelorette, it would make guys think of weddings and commitment and they would leave me alone. turns out, it didn't work one bit. my friend Susie can vouch for that. after a while, of trying to pretend i didn't notice when someone was dancing up on me or slowly backing into me, i was finally set into defense mode after the hands started grazing my ass. i should have dressed up like a gorilla. hindsight, 20-20.